A Letter to NBC

Dear NBC,

Regarding your problem with our two local guys, Jay Leno (Andover) and Conan O'Brien (Brookline), your proposed solution is the dumbest thing we've heard.

When Jay Leno retired from late night, you thought "Aw, he's such a nice guy. Just let him crash on the couch for a while." So you cleared out all your cooler, edgier houseguests to make room for a retiree (Southland's now stuck crashing over at TNT). His show took away the coveted 10pm time slot, when it's fair game to show dead bodies and naked butts. And guess what? We didn't want to watch.

Poor Jay and his poor, poor ratings. It suddenly seems that you, NBC, need him off your couch.

What is insane, however, is that your network thinks bumping Conan O'Brien's Tonight Show back to midnight will solve the problem. It won't.

You know the coveted 18-34 demographic -- those of us who stay up to watch late night television? We like Conan. He's closer to our age. He used to write for the Simpsons. We like his jokes better. If you push his show back to midnight, we're going to watch Jimmy Kimmel. Jay Leno's show was funny, in a grandfather's humor kind of way. The era has passed. Let it go, NBC. You can't call a mulligan on your television audience.

A Letter to Kate Hudson

Dear Ms. Hudson,

You've visited Boston recently with both "My Best Friend's Girl" and "Bride Wars." A few of us had the chance to work with you on those projects, and we have the following thoughts:

1) We want to like you. You seem likeable. The thing is, you don't seem to like us. It hurts. See, we've worked with a lot of actors, and they genuinely make an effort to talk to us (Christopher Walken), eat lunch with the crew (Mark Ruffalo), joke around about sports rivalries (Leo DiCaprio), or buy us little eco-friendly presents (Cameron Diaz). We love working with them. We tell all of our friends how great they are. With you, it seems like you're avoiding eye contact.

2) Keep bringing the work to Boston, by all means, but can they be quality movies? "My Best Friend's Girl" was such a dude flick, and "Bride Wars" was just catty. You deserve better roles; our city deserves better films. This would be a mutually beneficial arrangement.

3) Stop dating A-Rod.

4) Seriously. We hate A-Rod. To the average Bostonian, it's like you're dating Saddam Hussein. If you're planning to come back here to film again, please make sure you've broken up. There is no room for negotiation here.

Thank you for your time and we hope to see you, minus A-Rod, around town some time in the future.

Sincerely,

The Boston Production Assistants