Friday Scoreboard

Happy Friday, Happy Memorial Day Weekend!

Periodically, we post a scoreboard of everything we have reviewed thus far. And, as always, we grade on a curve. Here are the latest rankings:

A..... The Departed

A-.... Gone Baby Gone

A-.... Good Will Hunting

A-.... Shutter Island

B+.... Black Irish

B+.... Mystic River

B...... Blown Away

B...... The Boondock Saints

B...... Edge of Darkness

B...... Love Story

B...... The Thomas Crown Affair

B-.....The Invention of Lying

C...... The Bostonians

C...... The Maiden Heist

C...... Paul Blart: Mall Cop

C-..... Alex & Emma

C-..... The Box

C-..... What's The Worst That Could Happen

D+.... Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day

D+.... My Best Friend's Girl

D...... What Doesn't Kill You

D-..... Bride Wars

D-..... Furry Vengeance

D-..... The Women

F....... The Pink Panther 2

And for Not-Made-In-Boston Movie Reviews:

B- Practical Magic

D- Knowing

(click the links on the sidebar for our reviews)

A not-so-productive Production Outlook

Good morning PA campers,

We are aware that the Local 481 keeps their members informed of the "Production Outlook", by which they mean "What shows are coming to town". Being Facebook friendly with many of their members allows us to hear what they hear.

So what are we hearing? Not much.

There's one show already filming, "What's Your Number", that crewed up back in April. Other than that, however, things don't look too good. There might be a few commercials, but those jobs don't last very long. Two rumored Adam Sandler movies pulled out of Massachusetts. Sigh. We're going to miss Kevin James.

Hang in there, mighty PAs, and if you happen to get a job offer from Starbucks or your old summer camp, take it!

Movie Review: The Thomas Crown Affair (1968)

For a bit of fun Boston nostalgia, go find a copy of the 1968 version of "The Thomas Crown Affair". Steve McQueen plays a bored playboy millionaire who enjoys the thrill of robbing banks; Faye Dunaway plays the sultry insurance investigator who strokes his bishop (chess reference...really). Let the sexually tense cat and mouse caper begin.

While not necessarily action packed, this film does a good job of setting that old school mood. It fragments into split screens so we can follow various characters as the crime unfolds. The music is overdramatic and cheesy. Sex scenes blur into technicolor swirls. And so goes the 1960s.

More interesting, however, is Boston circa 1968. Every exterior shot looks familiar, but different -- a downtown building where it shouldn't be, strange signage over the Mass Pike tolls, ancient Boston Police cars that were actually station wagons! Spotting the little changes kept us thoroughly entertained.

This movie has inspired us to finally go visit Mount Auburn cemetery -- not for the scenery or the famous tombstones, but in the hopes that somebody might drop off $2.6 million in a trash can.

Overall, the movie is pretty good, but definitely a relic of a different time.

Final Score = B

Boston's Top 5 Best Onscreen Hitmen

Boston has its share of crime dramas filmed here (because not everything can be a Kevin James movie). Based on this genre alone, it would seem our beloved city has some excellent hitmen. Here are our Top 5 favorites:

THE TOP FIVE BEST HITMEN OF BOSTON FILMS

Runner up - Will Hunting (played by Matt Damon),

"Good Will Hunting 2: Hunting Season"

Not a real movie.

We just love having excuses to play this clip: Good Will Hunting 2

5) Mr. French (played by Ray Winstone), "The Departed"

Not actually his real name... just happens to look like another guy named Mr. French. He's not so much sociopathic as morally neutral about killing people. It's just a job. Almost makes you admire his loyalty to the company. While Mr. French seems to have an understated sense of humor, you really don't want to be pissing him off... or owing him money... or cheating on him.

4) Ryan Gaerity (played by Tommy Lee Jones), "Blown Away"

While technically not working for hire anymore, the amount of planning Ryan Gaerity puts into your death makes him mentionable. He's not going to just shoot you from a distance; he's going to elaborately blow you up. Like all good hitmen, he can slip into locked places almost effortlessly, never seems to need money for ammunition, and can untraceably vanish when the police start investigating. Now that's a professional.

3) Il Duce (played by Billy Connolly), "The Boondock Saints"

While the Saints themselves make captivating hitmen, the real master is Il Duce. He enters the film from a shadowy, mysterious prison dungeon, akin to Sean Connery's entrance in "The Rock" (what is it about older Scottish prisoners that they are kept down the darkest deepest corridors?). After that, you'll see 12 flying bullets before you even realize he's there. Silent. Deadly. Dresses like a comic book villain.

2) Darius Jedburg (played by Ray Winstone), "Edge of Darkness"

He's the man who keeps you from connecting A to B. He can sit and have a calm conversation with you, then unexpectedly shoot you. Also, he's very good at Latin. He likes the finer things, like drinking wine on park benches in East Boston. Classy! Originally, this role was played by Robert DeNiro, who dropped off the project after a few days of shooting. Congrats to Ray Winstone, for making our list twice!

1) Staff Sgt. Sean Dignam (played by Mark Wahlberg), "The Departed"

When this guy goes on leave from work, he certainly knows how to kill the time. He can out trash talk Alec Baldwin's FBI agent, and doesn't blink at Jack Nicholson's mafia king. The ultimate bad cop. I would not want to find Sgt. Dignam standing in my apartment with bags on his feet. After all, he's "the guy who does his job." You don't want to be the other guy.

Movie Review: The Boondock Saints II, All Saints Day (2009)

We don't expect sequels to be as fresh as their originals. However, every so often a sequel is so horrible that it pulls the entire series down with it ("Ocean's 12"? "The Crow: City of Angels"? You're also on notice).

We give you: The Bondoock Saints II, All Saints Day.

Why... why did they make this movie???

The MacManus twins are back -- older, rougher (dare we say uglier). They pick up a new ethnic sidekick, who doesn't prove to be particularly competent or entertaining -- his character reminds us of the Latino cliches you might find in the WWE. Judd Nelson randomly shows up as a mafia heir. He announces there'll be cracking skulls, in case anyone forgot that he was in "The Breakfast Club". On the legal side, Willem Dafoe's flamboyantly fun FBI agent has been replaced by an annoying know-it-all, special agent Eunice Bloom. Nice attempt at breaking up the sausagefest, but she's just awful.

Bad new characters, stupid dialogue, and a nonsensical plot (frequently interrupted by dream sequences, non-linear plot explanations, and flashbacks) and this movie just doesn't work. The cool of the original is gone. In fact, we've actually decided to lower our score of the original:

This sequel made us take pause and realize that the Saints post-modern campiness may have been accidental. They just don't make slow motion shoot outs like they used to... for a reason.

A few B-role exterior shots, plus tv news updates by local sportsguy Joe Amorosino, try to make this look like a Boston film. It's not. Just like its original, this film was shot primarily in Toronto. While we locals all would have appreciated the work, maybe its best not to have our fingerprints on this one.

(Still... we hope they consider how cheap it is to film here when they inevitably make a third Boondock movie....)

Final Score = D+

PAs working alongside the Unions

As a PA, you may get asked by your department head to do certain things on set, only to get yelled at by one of the union guys. We've seen it happen a lot, and it's usually not your fault.

Say, maybe, you're an Art Department PA. The Production Designer calls, and we need that huge window dressing at the set, asap! You struggle to fit it into your car. You frantically drive to some obscure location and pull up in front. As you try to drag this huge, heavy thing out of your backseat, one of the Teamsters taps you on the shoulder. "You shouldn't be driving that," he'll inform you.

Then, as you lug it into the set and put it to where your boss points, one of the IATSE guys taps you on the shoulder. "You shouldn't be doing that," he'll inform you. What's going on here?

As PAs, we can not be doing work designated for Union members. This usually includes driving things to set, painting walls, decorating the sets, heavy lifting on set, building, rigging, etc. The Union members get paid better than you to do these things, and they have health benefits if they get hurt. Let them do it.

In more hectic moments, your boss may forget what you can and can't do. A very diplomatic way to remind them is to ask, "Will I get yelled at if the union guys see me doing that?" If they tell you to proceed, then you're probably okay (or at least they'll get yelled at instead of you).

Good luck!

Movie Review: The Box (2009)

When we heard that Richard Kelly, of "Donnie Darko" fame, was making a movie in Boston, we thought, "Quick, get the Coolidge Corner Theatre on the phone!!" Then we found out Arcade Fire would be doing the soundtrack, and we thought, "Wow! Alert that 'Stuff White People Like' blog asap! This could be epic!"

It wasn't. The resulting movie, "The Box", drags along like a poorly paced X-Files episode. It has unexplained portholes, zombie-like library enthusiasts, creepy teens with bloody noses... all the makings of something interesting that unfortunately don't amount to much. Can we get the rabbit from Darko in here somewhere? A little suspense, please?

"The Box" is set in Virginia in the 1970s: Cameron Diaz puts on a twang, and there's still leaves on the trees at Christmas... that's Southern? Not really, and it's definitely not Boston.

If you were expecting a great cult classic, don't. Lightening doesn't strike the same place twice.

Final Score = C-

Mommy Dearest

We here at The Boston Production Assistant wanted to take a moment to honor the mothers of Boston cinema (it being the day after mother's day and all). Trouble is, for plot device purposes, a lot of the mothers are dead.

Seriously, are these Disney movies? Where the hell are the main characters' mothers? We're talking to you, Good Will Hunting, The Departed, My Best Friend's Girl, Edge of Darkness, Knowing, The Boondock Saints.... Talk about screenplay cliche.

Worse still, the remaining films give us a barrage of abusive dysfunctional Boston mothers. Really? Is it that hard to create a supportive mother character? Fine. If that's all you're giving us, we're going to do this:

THE TOP FIVE WORST MOTHERS OF BOSTON MOVIES

5) Catherine Frazier (played by Candace Bergen), "The Women"

When her adult daughter finds out her husband is having an affair, Catherine advises her to just bend over and take it. Don't confront your husband. Go shopping instead. Here's some money, darling... Because a manicure and handbags make up for spousal betrayal. God, this movie sucked.

4) Mrs. Paul Blart, "Paul Blart: Mall Cop"

She married Paul Blart for the green card, then abandoned him and their daughter to a life of loneliness and adult onset diabetes. Ouch. That's a terribly selfish mother.

3) Margaret McKay (played by Melissa Leo), "Black Irish"

Margaret's your hardworking, hard drinking type -- which we respect. However, her rigid Catholicism makes life hell for her unwed pregnant daughter. She forbids an abortion, tries to send the girl away, and eventually ends up hitting her. Margaret's created a damned if you do anything at all situation.

2) Helene McCready (played by Amy Ryan), "Gone Baby Gone"

Dumb, white trash + serious drug addiction + 3 year old child = DSS intervention... except somehow here it doesn't. Helene McCready exemplifies every argument for forced sterilization, but we're cheering for her for most of the movie. That poor kid.

1) Rachel Solando, "Shutter Island"

There's bad parenting, and then there's bad parenting that lands you in an asylum for the criminally insane. Yes, we've seen what happens with dear Rachel, and no, we're not spoiling it for you.

To all mothers, a belated Happy Mothers Day, and thank you for never acting like the above characters.

Scoreboard!

Happy Friday, especially to the few of us who are working. Hope you got the weekend off!

Periodically, we post a scoreboard of everything we have reviewed thus far. Before you even ask, Yes, we grade on a curve. Here are the latest rankings:

A..... The Departed

A-.... Gone Baby Gone

A-.... Good Will Hunting

A-.... Shutter Island

B+.... Black Irish

B+.... Mystic River

B...... Blown Away

B...... The Boondock Saints

B...... Edge of Darkness

B...... Love Story

B-..... The Invention of Lying

C...... The Bostonians

C...... The Maiden Heist

C...... Paul Blart: Mall Cop

C-..... Alex & Emma

C-..... What's The Worst That Could Happen

D+.... My Best Friend's Girl

D...... What Doesn't Kill You

D-..... Bride Wars

D-..... Furry Vengeance

D-..... The Women

F....... The Pink Panther 2

And for Not-Made-In-Boston Movie Reviews:

B- Practical Magic

D- Knowing

(click the links on the sidebar for our reviews)

Movie Review: The Maiden Heist (2009)

Here we have another of the doomed to DVD movies made by the now bankrupt Yari Film Group. Such a great cast -- such a waste. "The Maiden Heist" filmed in Boston in 2007, ran out of funds in post-production, and eventually emerged as a sleeper DVD in 2009.

The story revolves around three museum security guards, played by Christopher Walken, Morgan Freedman, and William H. Macy. When they discover their favorite art is being transferred to another museum, they plot to steal it. It sounds like a nice idea for a caper film... simple, non-violent, "Men of a Certain Age" sort of plot. Considering all the Academy Award winners running amuck in it, "The Maiden Heist" should have been a sure thing.

It doesn't work, however. If I taught a film class on editing, this film (along with "What Doesn't Kill You") would be a "How not to edit" lesson. All the comic timing gets lost in the editing booth. The film has no rhythm. That's what you get, though, when your production company runs out of money to pay for post-production.

"The Maiden Heist" leaves the audience slightly amused, but mourning the film that it could have been.

Final Score = C

MA film tax credit update

While we were out (and not posting), the Massachusetts State Budget for the year went in... and it did not put a cap on the tax credit. Excellent. The state recognizes the film industry's ability to bring work here. It's worth losing a little in tax revenue to strengthen our local economy.

Though nothing is set in stone, we can temporarily breathe a sigh of relief. Hopefully our friends in LA have noticed these developments... we'd like to see more productions here soon!