"I Could Say Anything..."

One surefire way to lose all your readers is to stop posting... which is exactly what we did over the past 2 weeks. And we're sorry. We miss you. It won't happen again. Please come home.

(This would be an excellent moment for you to chime in with "Love means never having to say you're sorry..." No? You're not going to say that? I swear, I would be outside your house in 15 minutes with my boombox and trenchcoat... if only they'd filmed that in Boston. Damn you, Cameron Crowe! Come direct something in Boston already!)

Onward!

Another filmed-in-Boston movie opened today, to dismal reviews: "Furry Vengeance" Some of us worked on this. For the money. We refuse to pay to go see it. Ty Burr, from the Boston Globe, is unknowingly taking one for our team.

Mr Burr, your thoughts:

"For a heart warming eco-fable about woodland creatures rebelling against mankind, "Vengeance" has the odor of court-ordered community service."

He also adds,

"(Lead actor Brandon Fraser) has ballooned alarmingly in recent years... The man's starting to resemble a human pork rind; any bigger and Macy's will be calling. Yes, yes, it's unfair to mock an actor's body, but here Fraser's flab seems symbolic of the movie as a whole."

The LINK to the entire review is here, and the attached podcast is even more scything. We like it!

We're gonna go ahead an grade this without watching it. It's probably horrible, but not quite "Pink Panther 2" horrible (this one only dragged Brandon Fraser and Brooke Shields down with it).

Final Score = D-

Good luck at the Razzie awards next March.

Movie Review: The Invention of Lying (2009)

2008 welcomed Ricky Gervais and a star-studded cast to Lowell for the film "The Invention of Lying". We hope they liked it here. For the first time in memory, Lowell did not get portrayed as a perpetually overcast city of crack dealers...

(though the upcoming "The Fighter" will certainly bring that stereotype back).

In "The Invention of Lying", Gervais's character lives in a parallel universe where people only tell the raw, insulting truth. His character starts telling white lies to comfort people, and things escalate. Pretty soon he's robbed a bank, rewritten history, and invented religion.

There are some clever bits in this film. For example, what would a homeless man write on cardboard if he could only tell the truth? Or, what would advertising look like? Somehow, they actually got clearance for a fake Pepsi commercial to say "Pepsi. When they don't have any Coke."

Despite these moments, the not-lying-world gimmick loses its edge. Gervais's character never really goes to the dark side with his absolute power -- he toes the line with his Jesus send up, but can't quite commit to being offensive. The film begins to feel like an SNL skit that has gone on too long.

We do, however, appreciate how much easier this film makes "6 degrees of Kevin Bacon". You've got cameos from Oscar winners, 1980's heart throbs, British tv stars, Daily Show correspondents... Ed Norton didn't even make pg 1 of the IMDB credits! Wow, Ricky Gervais sure has a lot of friends.

Final Score = B-

Movie Review: Black Irish (2007)

When we saw that "Black Irish" had the tagline "You can choose your dreams. But you can't choose family."... we expected the worst.

There was a great article a few years back (we're searching for it) on how to make a stereotypical Boston film. It advised setting the film in South Boston, where an Irish-American 20-something male protagonist must chose between a life of crime or a life of purpose. Rambunctious family members or a gang of friends have his back -- as well as obligatory Southie accents. Drinking ensues. A father figure from outside his circle counsels with wise advice. They drive shitty cars.

(Reference "Good Will Hunting", "What Doesn't Kill You", "Southie", "The Departed", "The Boondock Saints", and probably half a dozen others)

So we were actually surprise that "Black Irish" surpassed our expectations. The main characters are siblings in a dysfunctional family. They have teenage problems, with school, with meeting girls, with trying to get dad to show up for just one of their baseball games. The eldest brother is a bully and a petty crook, like Kevin Arnold's older brother... with a handgun. In fact, the whole film feels like a very depressing episode of The Wonder Years.

Despite this, there's something very nobel and uplifting about watching these characters push onward with their lives. Brendan Gleeson's alcoholic father brings the most comedy and tragedy to "Black Irish." He delivers a more compelling argument for baseball being a metaphor for life than anything in "Field of Dreams". Well done. And just in time for opening day.

Final Score = B+

Apologies from our contributors -- we've been busy working 12 hr shooting days on the television pilots, gearing up for the FOX film, and/or doing school projects. We will return shortly with our usual posting schedule soon. Upcoming posts include:

-Movie reviews: The Maiden Heist, Black Irish, and -- just in time for opening day at Fenway Park -- Fever Pitch!

-The Ultimate Boston Movie Hitman ranking

-Updates on the MA tax incentives

and much, much more! We'll see you after wrap!