Vendor Fail! Panera Bread

Good evening, faithful PAs!

Some of you may work in the Production Office or other departments which require you to pick up lunches for everybody. Our sympathy!

What sounds like a relatively easy task is actually a daily clusterf**k. Many restaurants don't seem quite as concerned with getting the orders right as you do (or, more correctly, as your stressed out coworkers do). There's always one soup missing, or one sandwich with mayo when there shouldn't be. Nobody is laid back when it comes to their lunch.

If you want to avoid an epic lunch fail, don't ever, EVER go to Panera Bread. Sure, the menu looks great, but when you go to pick up those multiple paper bags you find:

1) It's not ready.

2) There's random apples rolling around the bottom of the bag.

3) The employees there don't seem to actually want your business. $200 order? Just a giant hassle (perhaps understandable if they only make $8 per hour, but c'mon. Little help?)

4) No matter how many times you count and recount, when you return to the office at least 2 people's lunches will be missing.

Panera Bread was the first name on the "Do Not Shop Here" list posted in our office. Enough said.

Today's Role Model

For our first hero, we would like to pay tribute to Carl the Janitor from "The Breakfast Club." He is the lowest rung and most abused member of the staff. He also makes a living by picking up trash.

Luckily, Carl has found advantages to his lowly position: stealth and timely passive-aggressiveness. In his own words: "I look through your lockers. I read your letters. I listen to your conversations -- you don't know that, but I do. I am the eyes and ears of this institution, my friends!"

Even if you're not actively listening, being invisible around celebrities will no doubt lead to situations where you overhear and see things. They will make stupid comments. Weird personality quirks? Embarrassing health problems? Anger management issues? You'll eventually stumble across it. Congratulations! You are now the eyes and ears of your production.

However, now is not the time to go screaming gossip from the rooftops, calling in to Kiss 108, or blackmailing the principal. Your production company will fire you and you're easily replaced. It's better to hold onto this gem, no matter how much you think OK! magazine would want to hear it. They're slime anyway, and you're better than that! You're not the paparazzi; you're Carl the Janitor!